나의 한 친구는 자신이 슬플 때마다 손톱을 자른다고 하였다. 의아하여, 왜? 라고 묻자. 돌아오는 친구의 대답. ‘슬픈 기억을 먹고 자란 손톱을 자르면, 나의 슬픈 마음도 없어지는 것 같아.’
2. 200*년 *월 21일 나의 일기 지난 여름 들였던 봉숭아물이 왼쪽 새끼손가락 손톱 끝에만 겨우 간당간당히 남아있다. 손톱이 자라가고 잘려가고 봉숭아물이 사라져감과 동시에 당신에 대한 나의 진홍빛 열정도 차츰 사라져갔다. 차마 봉숭아 물이 다 잘리는 꼴을 보고 있기가 두려우니 내일은 검은 매니큐어를 사러 가야겠다.
3. 그깟 손톱에 의미부여를 해? 혹자는 나와 친구와 같은 이러한 ‘손톱에 의미부여’를 하는 감성을 ‘얄팍한’, ‘과잉의’, ‘소녀감성’이라 비하 하곤 하였다. (위 1과 2의 사례의 당시 나의 나이가 십대가 맞긴 하였지만 말이다.) 하지만 지금의 난, 말 할 수 있다. 당신이 뭘 모르고 있는 것이 있다고.
4. 징그럽다고? 더럽다고? 손톱은 양반이다. 난 사실 연인의 귀에서 나온 마치 콘플레이크와도 같은 경악스러운 크기의 귀지를 예쁘게 포장해서 보관 해 두었던 적도 있다. 이 사실을 누군가에게 이야기 했다가 한순간에 혐오스러운 변태 취급을 당한 적도 있다. 난 변태가 아니에요. 순수한 마음을 가지고 있을 뿐.
5. 무가치한 것에 가치를 부여하기 나는 세상의 기준에 의해 환산 될 수 있는 선물을 주고받는 것을 별로 좋아하지 않는다. 남들이 볼 때는 저게 뭐야? 쓰레기를 왜 모아놓아? 할 정도로 무가치 한 것. 선물을 준 이와 받은 이만이 그 안에서 서로의 마음의 가치를 찾을 수 있는 것. 이러한 선물을 주고 받을 때가 가장 기쁘고 행복하다. 내 마음의 가치가 세상의 경제 가치로 환산되어 변질되길 원치 않는 것이다.
결론. 아직도 ‘뭘 모르고 있는’ 당신에게 친절히 알려주겠다. 진정한 가치란 것은 무가치한 것에서 가치를 찾았을 때 발견 할 수 있는 것이라고.
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